Escape

Orchard & Redwoods in Santa Cruz Mountains 188/365

Before I started treating Lyme disease, the dogs and I would walk along this road, Loma Prieta, (famous for the 1989 earthquake) for miles. We'd often make it up to some very steep mountain top vistas where we take in some amazing, breathtaking views.  There are a lot of orchards along the way. We don't go as far up anymore but it's still one of their favorite walks for its variety of livestock, farm houses and dogs. Our good pal Little Wolf, a huge husky-wolf mix, lives on this road and woo's to us every time we pass. We always stop and share a few rounds of treats with Little Wolf, who recently lost his fur-sibling, a Siberian named Dakota. Now Little Wolf is rarely at the fence but the dogs still stop and look for him, as well as ask me for some treats though Little Wolf isn't there to share them.

Lately I feel like I'm in prison with no possibility of parole. Escape. It's the only goal I have from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed.

I can't focus on any one task. I hop from thing to thing never completing anything. I'm exhausted, unhappy and unmotivated. Each morning I open my eyes and immediately shut them hoping I can go back to my dream state. Even if my dreams are nightmares, it's a far better place than living the reality fo Lyme disease day in and day out.

If it weren't for my commitment to the dogs, I would have checked out psychologically a long time ago. I'd spend my days in bed trying to escape the madness of this relentless disease. Instead I survive each day, moving from task to task, checking off all my must do tasks, so I can check out for the rest of the day in back-to-back movies and escape the reminders of my prison cell and live some other fictional life.