writer, warrior, whack-a-doodle

That Irritating Virtue

That Irritating Virtue

January 7, 2014
Posted in: Lyme Disease, Mastheads | Reading Time: 3 minutes


Patience. It's about the only thing in this house that's been getting any exercise lately, by human or canine. Long gone are the days of 6 mile hikes and bike rides with the dogs replaced with 1-2 mile barely-manageable walks and long days spent on the sofa.

In November, my health started to decline and I found myself constantly borrowing matches from each future day's energy just to get by, until finally all I could find were empty matchbooks. As my Lyme medication changed, so did my physical stamina and mental health. I won't lie Internet. For two weeks straight, I felt like I was being tortured. Intense fatigue, brain pain and migraines plagued me 24/7. When I finally couldn't take it another day, I lowered my dose and things grew bearable. We didn't make plans for the holidays but it didn't matter, I couldn't leave the house except to drag myself to the grocery store, walk the dogs or bring Juno to her PT session. (She's doing great by the way.)

The lower dose of medicine helped keep the migraines at bay but I woke up and went to bed each day with headaches, or "brain pain" as I like to call them, and chronic fatigued continued to plague me. In December, mood swings were the theme. I'm lucky Mr. Wild Dingo hasn't divorced me by now. Chronic pain has that charming side effect of unbridled rage.

It's easy to understand where all the rage comes from. Like the proverbial rug beneath my feet, Lyme ripped away any coping mechanism imaginable. All my hobbies, physically or mentally stimulating, are unavailable.  Too painful to walk.  Too weak to practice yoga. Too tired to stand in the kitchen to cook. Too brain dead to understand recipes. Too foggy to write the silly dog stories or play amateur photographer.  Too drained to play games with the dogs---even for 5 minutes. It's sad to watch my dogs lead much less interesting lives now. I wake up each day and the only thing I can think of is how fast I can get the bare minimum done so I can lay down again.  It's frustrating and incomprehensible to be so incapable of doing anything, of being useful, for so long without reprieve. And it's hard to watch life go by while other people are doing.

Lyme is an ugly disease.  It doesn't just affect the single host, but everyone connected. I'm grateful for having a husband and two dogs who know how to exercise their patience.  It looks like patience, along with the 48 pills I take daily for Lyme, is the only thing left I have to fight it.


That Irritating Virtue
January 2014


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11 comments on “That Irritating Virtue”

  1. Thinking of you... it sounds like life is so hard for you right now, and I wish I could help somehow. I think there's a reason why we are called "patients" when we go to the doctor. We need lots and lots of patience when dealing with chronic conditions. I know the unbridled rage. I actually like it better than the pure hopeless depression but neither is fun. But, I am rooting for you and thinking of you, if that's any help at all.

  2. MWD is a keeper. 😉 In all seriousness, know that I'm thinking of you - not that it does much to actually help you, but know there are good vibes out there in the ether directed toward you. Oh, and while you say you aren't doing much, you have inspired me. In addition to my new camera (with which I am having a ball), I have found the husband's old (like 10 years old) Nikon D70 DSLR,and to my great surprise it actually works and there are no major dust clumps on the mirror, so as I learn something on my new camera, I then try to figure out how to do it on the much more complicated D70 (no way I could have gone from my point and shoot directly to the D70 or a newer version of it). Since the D70 works reliably, I bout an f/1.8 lens for it so I can get bitchin' shots like your header photo. Or at least I'll have the equipment to be able to do so. And just remember there are warm fuzzies coming your way (heck, if I thought it would help, I'd send you Abby, but that would only add to your weariness).

    -Dr. Liz

  3. I've been wondering how you were. It is unbelievable that no one talks about how nasty Lyme is. Have the drs indicated at all how long you may feel like this?

  4. : ( Being sick sucks.
    Paws crossed, we're sending prayers and helaing thoughts to you, hope it turns around soon and you regain your zest for life. Kudos to MWD and the furkids, good thing they are flexible and adapt well. In truth, our furkids just want to be with us, whether we're up & active or sedentary, or asleep.... happiness is being together with the pack, period. They'll be fine, and will patiently wait for you to be fine again too. Love & hugs to you, sweetie.

  5. I'd wondered why I hadn't seen you around. I'm sorry you're dealing with this! I hope that things changed and you start feeling a lot better soon. MWD is a pretty great guy! I'm sure he'll stick around for a while longer.

  6. Well, the header photo is fab. I'm so sorry you've been so blech for so long. You've been a trooper. Like everyone else, you've been in my thoughts. We've been sending strong rottie healing (not to be confused with heeling) vibes. Friggin bacteria.

  7. Glad you wrote a post, but I sure wish it could have been better news. It sounds awful and all consuming. MWD and the pups are there for you. They love you more than anything in the world.

    Mango Momma

  8. So sorry to hear... 🙁 Really wish to read a happier post. Sending you lots of happy and healthy thoughts and hoping that this year will go from a rocky start into a smooth and healthy year.

  9. I have to echo KB's thoughts. I am so very sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. And I so wish there were some way to help. I will be thinking of you and sending some prayers your way.


  10. It's amazing that a bite from a tiny creature can make us so poorly. I, like everyone else on here, am so sorry to read of your very hard times. Keeping everything crossed that your health takes a better turn very soon.

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