What's wrong with this picture? Hmmm ... something seems a little backwards.
"Hey Driver: Mush!"
We took the terrible deuce-um to training last night. Yes, even though I'm still recovering from a flu, I couldn't resist going because training was in a warehouse where we could really frack with our dog's heads putting them on fork lifts, moving carts, hiding behind shelves and crates and letting your dog find you. I gotta admit, it's loads of fun fracking with their heads like that. I am Wild Dingo: I'm just mean like that. Why do we do this? Oh gosh, if you've never made your dog work like this, it's pretty fun. Juno had a little trouble with moving carts so we got out our garden cart this morning and put them both on it.
Juno: "Hey, Pop, what's this party pooper doing here? I thought this was all about meeeee."
Loki: "Pretend I'm not here Princess."
"Well ok, but just remember. These yellow eyes? They're watching you."
"Brrr. Oh baby. Talk like that gives me the shivers. (Not.)"
"Still watching you."
"Hey sister, ever notice you can't buy handsome like this in a bottle?"
"Ok, I'm blowin' this popcicle stand. There ain't no more treats in it for me."
"I thought he'd never leave. Step on it! I'm late for my mani-pedi."
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTENT CONTAINS NON POLITICALLY CORRECT HUMOR. Read at your own sensitivity risk-o-meter.
Meanwhile, at class last night, Loki earned the "Retart-o Montalban" award. This dog would be so awesome if he wasn't such a doofus. He'll literally DO anything. He'll sit on fork lifts, jump through several isles in the warehouse to find me, he'll move through puzzles in and out of places, ignoring other dogs and distractions to find me. He'll go in and out of trucks. He'll accomplish ANY obstacle first time through while many dog owners are pleading and begging their dogs through things. But the minute he's separated from Mr. Wild Dingo and Juno, he acts like a tart. And when he reunites with him and Juno, he jumps up and down and cries like he's been gone for 5 years. Mr. Wild Dingo just cracks up when he sees Loki and I walking toward him and Juno, like some wildebeest on a leash while every other dog in class is calm and cool like its no big deal. I don't get it: he accomplishes ridiculously challenging obstacles, like they're no big deal, obstacles that other dogs run away from, but separate him from Mr. Wild Dingo and Juno (or me) for 3 seconds and all hell breaks loose.
I think it's time to get out the doggie Valium. Not for Loki, for me.
"Hey Retart-o! Da Platz! Da Platz!"
No cash for the treat jar but you'd like to show the love? No problem! Connect with me on LinkedIn and endorse my creative writing skills. Let me know how the pups and I can love ya back!
"Your project is guaranteed to meet superior Siberian standards or I will fatally masticate it. You have my "woo" on that!"
"I keep your project safe from crows, coyotes, and flies. I prefer to be paid in salmon treats and tennis balls."
"I manage the treat jar & the staff's daily payroll of cookies and bones. The staff is excellent at math and let me know when I come up short."