I brought Loki to a private training session this week. I told the trainer "I think Loki has a problem."
The trainer asks, "What's the problem?"
"Let me show you," I reply. I turn to Loki and say, "Loki, Fetch!"
Loki slowly walks away then turns around and replies, "So why are you talking to me like that? You always order me around like I'm nothing. You tell me to come, I come, then in the middle of me coming to you, you change your mind and say 'down.' Up, down, up, down! What am I, an elevator? You point your finger at me and shoot me like some sadist and the next minute expect me to lay adoringly at your feet."
"Then you make me sleep on the floor, with my sciatica. And do you ever take me for a decent walk? NO, it's out of the house, a short pee, and right back home. Maybe if I could stretch out a little, the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much! I should roll over and play dead for real for all you care!"
"That's amazing that he can talk! So what's the problem?" the trainer asks.
"He has a hearing problem! I said 'Fetch' not 'Kvetch!' "
Kvetching during training is an art form for Loki. It gives onlookers a great chuckle because it goes a little like this.
Me: "Heel" (Loki heels.)
Loki: "Arghahahahrhg grrr ghrrrhh" and Loki lays down.
He talks back all the time. We discovered one reason he kvetches is because he keys into the smallest body movements, even my hesitations and pauses, and truly gets confused. So during our Tuesday training session we worked on training my body movements and now there's less confusion and less kvetching. At least for now.
It will be a sad day, for me and the audience, when he makes it through an entire class without a peep from that yapper.