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Breaking the Mastication Fast

Breaking the Mastication Fast

October 28, 2010
Posted in: Dogs | Reading Time: 5 minutes

So yesterday I was getting ready to write a post to mock all the Dansko Pool Players, calling them "amateurs,"  because who did they think I was? A new Siberian owner? Then Mr. Wild Dingo and I came home from our anniversary dinner to this:

Wait, it's my yoga block. And it's in the foyer. Hmm.  I don't remember leaving it there. In fact, this is where it should be:

...right next to it's partner yoga block in my bibliothèque du burreau (office bookshelf). I know I left it there.  Khyra pointed out that maybe I should put my "khrap" away. As if it were that easy. As you can see, I keep a fairly neat house and as it is,  my shelves, that would normally hold books, are empty. My brand new bibliotehque is useless. All because we harbor a criminal who takes things like books and now yoga blocks off the shelves and has her way with them.

Above is another item that fell into the fate of the Siberian jaws about a month ago. It's a lovely Ikea lamp we purchased for a dead space in the living room. She had her way with it when we were in our cultural training in September during a lunch break with the teachers. The lamp wasn't even out of the box or assembled. She opened the box, took out the paper lamp and destroyed it. For the record, that box was stacked on other boxes and she had to drag it off and away from all the other heavy boxes. So that lovely lamp is now zip-tied together at the top (thank you Mr. Wild Dingo, Martha Stewart would be proud) and demoted to the basement. Thanks to the Sibe, that lamp illuminates our path to her dinner every day. To think I was ready to remind--while mocking--you all that she had also eaten my passport last year as well.  I guess the joke's on me, huh?

"Hey mom, can you buy me a bigger foyer rug so that I can neatly confine my mastications in one area? Thanks."

So Juno made it to 9 days and 20 hours since the Dansko's arrived. You'll note that my old Dansko's are also in the crime scene. They've been demoted to dog yard shoes. She has since attacked them two more times since that first time. Last night, I admittedly did not put them in another room as I usually do and bolt the door, instead I hid them far under the armoire to the left. As you can see, she found them.  But since these are not the Dansko's in the bet, they do not count in this Dankso Pool. However, this does count as her first mastication since the Dankso Pool Bet began because here is the damage she inflicted:

As you can see the yoga block has been violated with Siberian teeth, counting as the first mastication event since the beginning of the bet.

The Herd has this saying, "A tired Sibe is a good Sibe." Well I'm here to tell you, there's no such thing as a good Sibe, tired or not. You see, yesterday, this Sibe went on a 3-hour hike to St. Prex from our house. There was no question that we were all tired when we got home. I, myself, barely had the energy to get ready for dinner, so I know she was tired. Regardless of her fatigue, and regardless of how neat we keep the house and how few rooms she's confined to (office, foyer, kitchen), we came home to an eaten yoga block and my old Dansko's (now dog yard shoes) violated a  third time.

"I don't know what the fuss is all about. Purple does not work in this house like it does with the California house and these Danskos have already bitten the dust."

So I have a saying now: The reason Siberians are born with masks because they are all criminals.  I mean lets face it.  You you can't take the crime out of a natural born criminal. Crime is in her DNA. A criminal who's tired is simply a tired criminal, not a retired criminal. For example, here's Juno--still tired from her 3-hour hike and her yoga block crime--eyeing Mr. Wild Dingo's loafer in the photo above, already planning her next masticatory crime:

"These Dansko's are getting a bit old to chew on. That nice suede loafer on Poppy's foot, however, looks ripe for mastications."

So you may wonder how we would treat a criminal after a crime has been committed. I mean, in our society, every crime must have a consequence right?

"There, there, Juno. We're so sorry to have left you here with that cracker cujo dog Loki. With nothing but old Dansko's (and 14 other bones and toys) to amuse yourself. How can we make this up to you?"

"That's more like it Pop. I did smell something quite delicious when you came in."

"Oh you mean the steak we had for dinner, err, I mean, the steak we bought specifically for you?"

"Ya, that's what I'm talkin' about. Perhaps you should be a bit faster with getting the steak home next time."

Do you think it sends the wrong message to give a Sibe some steak after a crime has been committed?

Here is evidence that my new burgendy Dansko's are still alive and well:



"Ah, that sweet "new shoe-smell" of a Dansko. It's calling to me."

So winners for the first bet are Brice & Eva and Brooke & Darwin. And they will get some Swiss chocolate no matter if the Dansko's make it or not.  And if you're wondering, yes, I'm extremely embarrassed for having lost the second part of the bet in such a short time. I was expecting 30 days at least. So, I'm warning you, I'm going to be working like mad not to lose the 2nd part of the bet!

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20 comments on “Breaking the Mastication Fast”

  1. That yoga block must have looked like a great new bone to gnaw on:) Maybe it is time to realize that you either have no life outside of the home without Juno's accompaniment or you have to shoes to wear on those occasions when she is left behind. Just kidding, but we just know she does it because she misses you sooooooo much.

    Woos ~ Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

  2. For some reason, my momma found this quote very amusing;
    "Wait, it’s my yoga block. And it’s in the foyer. Hmm."

    This post certainly has many twists and turns. Clearly your mom knows the secret to keeping her beloved clogs safe. Just keep them on her feet! Where was idiot cracker dog throughout? See? What I think is Juno is just totally wicked smart and loves a good puzzle. No doubt Loki goads her as well, "bet you can't find the shoes, bet, bet, bet."

    As for the yoga block. I would do a bite check. I bet the Juno cam would show her in a meditative pose and the cracker yanking the block out from under her as his idea of fun.

    I believe Mr. Wild Dingo had the correct response, "Oh, hello, beautiful princess. Here is your steak."


  3. Now SEE... this is all a matter of PERCEPTION... some see the CRIME as being the Yoga Block... and... All RIGHT THINKERS... see the crime as BEING LEFT HOME ALONE!!! I'm just sayin' here.

  4. I decided that I wouldn't let Jack keep or play with the shoes that he destroyed as it might give him the idea that ALL shoes are up for grabs.

    And our books are pretty much locked up as well 🙂

  5. Well, just threw out a perfectly good bamboo placemat that I had finally located after moving and cleaned it & set it out to dry and then found it in Moos' jaws. And Moo doesn't even have a mask! she's a bald-faced bandit!

    Kinda goes with the territory when you are owned by a Sibe.

    Mama Pat

  6. I gasped when I saw the shoes. I still don't think they'll make it six months, but I couldn't believe only nine days!

    What a relief it was only the old ones.

  7. Another khomment that shows without a doubt Mango RH is most wise and most sage and most knowing besides being most relentlessly huge -

    As fur the khrap, deTAILS deTAILS deTAILS!

    Khyra and The Golden Khousins
    PeeEssWoo: Dearest Sweet Juno - woo are welkhome to khome to Khamp Khyra - The Kid khan be blamed fur anything that appears to be 'chewed' -

  8. Wow, it would be awesome to get a kiss for misbehaving! Can you adopt us?

    I (Daiquiri) had a taste of mum's slipper moccasins - ok, just the fur trim part - and mum screeched so loud it hurt my ears! She's had to check my "chosen spots" outside to make sure I'm not keeping it. bol

    Timba's not as fussy as I am. He tasted (ate) the corner of the new bath sheet because mum stuck an empty toilet paper tube in the top of the new roll so he can't unroll it and decorate the house. He learned that game when he first came here and after 3 yrs still likes to play it.

    At least we have different hobbies so mum's never going to get bored with us!

    Maybe Juno picked up some signal from you before you went out and left those poor defenseless doggies loose and alone in an empty house in a foreign country!??

    Huggy-wuggies and keep those new shoes safe until Dec.

  9. Ha ha ha! Oh, Juno, you amuse me so much, partially because of how glad I am that you're not mine! How do you manage to convince them it's their fault and give you steak? That must be some amazing Siberian Mind Meld you've got going on!

  10. And I thought that we had it rough with our perpetual puppy, R! But, our young criminal is confined to a very very large crate when we're gone, saving us from such surprises. Maybe I should buy stock in Dansko and yoga blocks!

    Juno is lucky that she is so cute!

  11. Oh yes, the Sibes who eat anything. We have one of those here. His name is Samuel. At 12 he still eats the occasional shoe mom forgets to put in the closet.

    May we suggest you just not place anything smaller than a chair/sofa/table less than 5 feet off the ground? If she can't reach it, she can't eat it. I'm just sayin'.

    Congrats to the winners! Hawoowoowoo!!!


  12. Hah, Juno - I think the solution for you is to come and live in my house. Hsin-Yi is such a slob, leaving so many things everywhere, and the place is so cluttered and messy that a) she probably wouldn't notice if you ate something and b) you probably would get so dizzy trying to choose something to chew on from the cluttered mess around you that you'd just give up! 😉

    Honey the Great Dane

  13. Who knew Abby must have some Sibe DNA hidden in the obvious boxer-beagle mix? She was over 6 years old before she could be left alone unconfined, due to her destructive habits. And she still backslides from time to time. Mama is of the JacksDad school of thought: allowing them to keep nibbled shoes just teaches it's ok to eat shoes. And lock up the books. We agree with Mango, though: too late to punish when you get home way after the act of destruction. So you might as well dish out the cuddles & steak.

    Jed & Abby

  14. Y'know I've had problems getting my passport replaced. I got a nasty letter from the State Deparment asking why it was "mutilated."

    It had puppy teeth marks on every corner. Does absolutely no one in the State Department have a dog? Those telltale marks are quite familiar to me!

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